


The Senior Officers Chat

by Nerdicorn_the_shipper



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Group chat, Jean-Luc Picard Is So Done, More tags to be added, Multi, No Plot, Polyamory, Rated T for language, bad cat memes, bi beverly crusher, bi deanna troi, bi will riker, chat fic, data and geordi are cute, married daforge, picard is the whole crews dad, polyamorous deanna troi, polyamorous will riker, q flirts with picard, troi loves chocolate, yall this is some gay shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23595427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdicorn_the_shipper/pseuds/Nerdicorn_the_shipper
Summary: the tng crew gets a group chat. shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Deanna Troi, Data/Geordi La Forge, William Riker/Deanna Troi, William Riker/Worf
Comments: 62
Kudos: 207





	1. Chapter 1

**_Captain Picard_ ** _has created a new chat_

**_Captain Picard_ ** _has named the chat_ **_Senior Officers_ **

**Captain Picard:** I have decided to create this chat, In case there is anything that you need to communicate to the rest of us in a less formal space.

**Lt. Commander La Forge:** ok cool seems like a good idea

**Commander Riker:** how much less formal?

**Commander Riker:** like, can we change the names?

**Captain Picard:** Alright

**_Counselor Troi_ ** _has changed_ **_Commander Riker_ ** _’s name to_ **_trombone man_ **

**trombone man:** wow, very creative.

**_trombone man_ ** _has changed_ **_Counselor Troi_ ** _’s name to_ **_chocoholic_ **

**chocoholic:** fair enough

**Lt. Commander Data:** Are we naming ourselves after things that are important in our lives?

**_Lt. Commander Data_ ** _has changed_ **_Lt. Commander Data_ ** _’s name to_ **_Spot’s Caretaker_ **

**Spot’s Caretaker:** Is this sufficient? 

**Lt. Commander La Forge:** that’s a fine name

**Lt. Commander La Forge:** but…

**_Lt. Commander La Forge_ ** _has changed_ **_Spot’s Caretaker_ ** _’s name to_ **_Datalock_ **

**_Lt. Commander La Forge_ ** _has changed_ **_Lt. Commander La Forge_ ** _’s name to_ **_Geordi Watson_ **

**Datalock:** This name is very much adequate, thank you.

**Geordi Watson:** you know I'll always be your watson

**trombone man:** that’s gay

**Geordi Watson:** will, you went to our wedding

**trombone man:** still

**chocoholic:** will, you’re literally bi

**trombone man:** your point?

**Lieutenant Worf:** I am beginning to question the purpose of this chat.

**_trombone man_ ** _has changed_ **_Lieutenant Worf_ ** _’s name to_ **_a very honorable man_ **

**a very honorable man:** I am glad you think so highly of me

**a very honorable man:** But I still question this use of the chat

**Captain Picard:** Honestly, I didn’t expect anything else.

**_trombone man_ ** _has changed_ **_Captain Picard_ ** _’s name to_ **_hon hon hon oui oui baguette_ **

**hon hon hon oui oui baguette:** I am beginning to regret this.

**_Dr. Crusher_ ** _has changed_ **_hon hon hon oui oui baguette’_ ** _s name to_ **_captain in the chat_ **

**trombone man:** traitor

**Dr. Crusher:** :)

**chocoholic:** beverly still needs a name!

**_chocoholic_ ** _has changed_ **_Dr. Crusher_ ** _’s name to_ **_mom friend_ **

**mom friend:** I feel like doctors are legally required to be mom friends

**Datalock:** I believe that it is because curing people is a job that naturally attracts people with a strong sense of care and responsibility for the wellbeing of others.

**Datalock:** That is the meaning of mom friend, correct?

**trombone man:** you got it data

**Geordi Watson:** you know, I think riker needs a more accurate name

**chocoholic:** hmm… I agree

**trombone man:** I do not trust this

**_chocoholic_ ** _has changed_ **_trombone man_ ** _’s name to_ **_space slut_ **

**captain in the chat:** Ok, this is being taken too far

**_captain in the chat_ ** _has changed_ **_space slut_ ** _’s name to_ **_will riker_ **

**captain in the chat:** Please never use the phrase ‘space slut’ again

**_will riker_ ** _has changed_ **_will riker_ ** _’s name to_ **_space slut_ **

**space slut:** but I am a space slut

**space slut:** and I’m quite good at what I do

**captain in the chat:** Why did I think this was a good idea?

**space slut:** you know you love us

**captain in the chat:** I tolerate you

**space slut:** good enough


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad cat memes and chocolate theft

**Datalock:** I have been studying the human concept of “Memes”

**Geordi Watson:** data I love you but please don’t

**Datalock:** <https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hnoW58nT0ITPAyoaXEVtI7EwrK5uXRni/view?usp=sharing>

**space slut:** oh my god

**Geordi Watson:** this is what it’s like being married to him

**Geordi Watson:** awful cat memes 24/7

**Datalock:** That is not entirely accurate.

**Datalock:** Showing you memes, photos of Spot, and my latest attempt at humor only constitutes 8.64% of our time together.

**Datalock:** The activity we participate in the most is when we are on duty together

**Datalock:** The second is our dates in the holosuite

**Geordi Watson:** data, honey

**Geordi Watson:** please don’t continue this list in a public chat

**Datalock:** I apologize. I have a tendency to babble.

**Geordi Watson:** I know data, I love it

**space slut:** you guys are too wholesome

**space slut:** it should be illegal 

**Datalock:** Why is the legality of wholesomeness in question?

**space slut:** its a joke

**chocoholic:** Hey fucker

**_chocoholic_ ** _ has changed  _ **_space slut_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_chocolate stealer_ **

**mom friend:** Oh shit

**Geordi Watson:** you’re gonna die dude

**chocolate stealer:** I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS HERS

**Geordi Watson:** doesn’t matter

**mom friend:** You’re already dead

**chocolate stealer:** worf, you gotta be on my side on this one

**a very honorable man:** Counselor Troi is very protective of her chocolate

**a very honorable man:** You have brought this upon yourself

**chocolate stealer:** fuck

**chocoholic:** you are dead, riker

**mom friend:** I would not want to be him right now

**captain in the chat:** Will?

**captain in the chat:** Will?

**mom friend:** He’s dead, deanna killed him

**captain in the chat:** What a shame to lose such a fine officer

**captain in the chat:** But he did steal Troi’s chocolate

**chocolate stealer:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 

**Geordi Watson:** you’re alive!

**a very honorable man:** Not for long

**chocolate stealer:** can i please change my name back

**chocoholic:** no


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> riker's name finally gets changed back and no links are safe

**_chocolate stealer_ ** _ has changed  _ **_chocolate stealer_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_space slut_ **

**_chocoholic_ ** _ has changed  _ **_space slut_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_chocolate stealer_ **

**_chocolate stealer_ ** _ has changed  _ **_chocolate stealer_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_will_ **

**_chocoholic_ ** _ has changed  _ **_will_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_chocolate stealer_ **

**_chocolate stealer_ ** _ has changed  _ **_chocolate stealer_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_anything else pls_ **

**_chocoholic_ ** _ has changed  _ **_anything else pls_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_chocolate stealer_ **

**chocolate stealer:** its been two weeks deanna please

**chocoholic:** no

**chocolate stealer:** :(

**chocoholic:** your sad face has no power over me

**chocolate stealer:** first officer’s log stardate 42069.0

**chocolate stealer:** deanna is still a big meenie

**Datalock:** I fail to understand why you felt the need to type “first officer’s log” into the chat rather than opening a real log entry

**Geordi Watson:** That’s your question with this exchange?

**chocolate stealer:** you're not even going to mention the stardate

**Datalock:** I have found that when I am presented with numbers that do not make sense, and either 420 or 69 is involved, it is likely an attempt at humor

**Datalock:** And Troi, it is somewhat unreasonable to continue forcing Riker to keep that name

**chocolate stealer:** see data’s on my side

**chocoholic:** fine

**_chocoholic_ ** _ has changed  _ **_chocolate stealer_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_space slut_ **

**space slut:** yay!!!

**a very honorable man:** This group chat is clogging up my notifications

**a very honorable man:** It is difficult to tell which of my messages is a genuine concern I need to reply to and what is about the chocolate theft that happened two weeks ago

**captain in the chat:** Yeah, I’ve had this chat muted for a while now. 

**a very honorable man:** How do you mute chats?

**space slut:** I’ll send you a video showing you how

**space slut:** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

**a very honorable man:** That is the earth song Never Gonna Give You Up. I am confused?

**Datalock:** Rickrolling, alternatively rick-rolling, is a prank and an Internet meme involving an unexpected appearance of the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up". The meme is a type of bait and switch using a disguised hyperlink that leads to the music video. (Wikipedia)

**Geordi Watson:** I actually read a paper once about how rickrolling is one of the most harmless pranks ever.

**Geordi Watson:** Give me a sec, I wanna find it to send to y’all

**Geordi Watson:** [ http://tinyurl.com/yd4m55e ](http://tinyurl.com/yd4m55e) here’s the article link

**Datalock:** I assume this is an appropriate example of rickrolling

**space slut** : nice one

**chocoholic:** actually, rickrolling can be quite harmful

**space slut** : source?

**chocoholic:** [ **h** ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub82Xb1C8os ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub82Xb1C8os)

**captain in the chat:** I swear to god if that link is a rickroll

**Datalock:** It is.

**captain in the chat:** Why did I think this chat was a good idea?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we interrupt your regularly scheduled jokes for thinly veiled rants about the nature of riker and troi's relationship (and also cute gays!)

**Geordi Watson:** Hey riker, how’d your date go?

**space slut:** it didnt go horribly or anything but i dont think theres gonna be a second one

**space slut:** he was a chill dude but we just didnt connect 

**a very honorable man:** I am confused. I was under the impression that you were dating Counselor Troi.

**space slut:** i am

**chocoholic:** we’re polyamorous, so we’re dating each other but we can also date other people

**a very honorable man:** I apologize. I was not aware. Perhaps I should not have pried into your personal lives.

**space slut:** its chill we are pretty open about it

**chocoholic:** I’m honestly surprised you didn’t already know

**Geordi Watson:** To be fair, didn’t he not know about me and data until the wedding

**Geordi Watson:** and data literally proposed on the bridge 

**space slut:** i remember it was really sweet

**space slut:** it was a little strange when he pulled the box out of a compartment in his chest

**Datalock:** It was the most optimal method of storage.

**Datalock:** I also believed that despite my lack of a human heart, Geordi would appreciate the symbolism of storing the ring close to where it would be.

**Geordi Watson:** It was very sweet <3 <3 <3

**Datalock:** On the topic of romantic endeavors, Counselor, I believe you had a date with Dr. Crusher last night

**chocoholic:** it wasn’t really a date, we just hung out

**space slut:** yeah watching a movie with ur gf totally doesn’t count as a date /s

**space slut:** i bet u even cuddled

**mom friend:** We definitely cuddled

**space slut:** disgusting data and geordi are already too cute we don’t need more /j

**chocoholic:** you’re just jealous because you want to be a cute coupleTM with somebody

**space slut:** we could be that couple

**chocoholic:** no <3

**space slut:** yeah ok thats fair

**captain in the chat:** Just to clarify, of course, you are poly and actually dating, and not in some weird will they/won’t they thing where you aren’t dating but are clearly in love with each other and get super jealous when the other dates someone else.

**space slut:** of course. we actually talk about our feelings and act on our mutual desire to be together instead of taking no action to get together or to move on and only superficially working through jealousy just to go through the exact same thing next time one of us dates someone.

**space slut:** that would just be frustrating

**space slut:** anyways, do ya’ll want to see some cute pics of deanna and beverly

**Geordi Watson:** Yes please show us the cute gays

**space slut:**[dandb1.jpeg](https://drive.google.com/file/d/18Xoai84ismW4G-W_9osrsgnrBUeZpMgi/view?usp=sharing) [dandb2.jpeg](https://drive.google.com/file/d/15B-L6reWbb6PvLJd6T4RRid8_TjFBD5N/view?usp=sharing) [cutegaysdandb.jpeg](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wvGGJMqv_Dzp9Dvwk2J70pCOp9KtTkl0/view?usp=sharing) [dandbstopbeingadorable.jpeg](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1y3lYA0IySexguEe8cdmIljykWoMatdqu/view?usp=sharing) [dandbaregay.jpeg](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1q4337bcgn9UNRa27Ilx4LxxQfwZLZjT8/view?usp=sharing)

**Geordi Watson:** ur right those are very cute

**mom friend:** I definitely don’t have one of these as my PADD background /s

**chocoholic:** wait which one, I wonder if it’s the same as mine

**space slut:** wait she’s ur background? what about me :’( 

**chocoholic:** ur my lockscreen babe don’t worry 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain god-like being shows up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I have ADHD and just kinda forgot about this work. I should be updating often again but no promises.

**space slut:** ya’ll worf just asked me on a date!!!!!!!

**chocoholic:** Babe, I’m happy for you, but that’s not how you spell y’all

**space slut:** wot

**Geordi Watson:** it's a contraction of you all 

**Geordi Watson:** u gotta put the apostrophe before the a

**space slut:** in my defense im from alaska

**chocoholic:** some crimes can never be forgiven /j

**mom friend:** I personally would like to hear more about will’s date

**space slut:** its tomorrow

**space slut:** we r going to get drinks in ten forward then hang in the holodeck for a little

**Geordi Watson:** classic first date stuff

**Geordi Watson:** how’d he ask u

**captain in the chat:** Remember when this chat was for official business and not gossiping about our love lives?

**Datalock:** This chat took approximately 11.5 minutes to devolve into chaos. In that time, no official business was discussed.

**space slut:** yeah me neither lol

**Q:** I personally am very invested in in the drama

**space slut:** Q?!?!?!??

**Q:** I’m surprised the Klingon could get a date at all but the drama of it all is fascinating

**space slut:** ill fucking fight u bitch

**captain in the chat:** If this is a prank, it is not a funny one.

**Q:** I assure you mon capitaine, I am the real deal

**captain in the chat:** A bouquet of roses just appeared on my lap with a note form Q.

**captain in the chat:** Unfortunately, I believe it is him.

**space slut:** and my day was going so well

**Q:** no, no, please continue talking about your love life. It's ever so fascinating. I don’t believe you ever told us how he asked you.

**space slut:** well i dont want to now

**Q:** you’re no fun

**Q:** and what about you, mon capitaine? Anyone special in your life, or are you still wholly focused on your _ mission of exploration _ ?

**captain in the chat:** That’s none of your business.

**Q:** Still single then. Good. You can be completely devoted to your ship, and any problems that may hinder it.

**captain in the chat:** Please go away.

**Q:** i will IF you tell me I’m pretty

**captain in the chat:** You’re pretty fucking anoying is what you are.

**space slut:** damn you made dad swear

**space slut:** *dad

**space slut: *** DAD

**space slut:** wtf q

**Geordi Watson:** ha, u called dad dad

**Geordi Watson:** WAIT NO

**Q:** I have to go now, but it’s been nice to catch up

**Q:** oh and congrats on the wedding Data

**Datalock:** thank you

**Q:** au revoir mes amis

**captain in the chat:** We’re not your friends.

**captain in the chat:** Well, that was interesting.

**space slut:** the captain

  
**space slut:** oh thank god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will not be the last time Q will appear in this story


End file.
